Young Folks, Old Folks, Everybody Come

I've always enjoyed singing the alternate versions of Bible stories. The chorus goes

Young folks, old folks, everybody come
Come join the Sunday School and have a lot of fun
Please check your chewing gum and razors at the door
And you'll hear some Bible stories like you never heard before

So without further ado, here are some verses I've come up with

Israel had some children, they made a few mistakes
Complained against Jehovah, so He rustled up some snakes
Couple bites and the kids said if He fixed it they'd applaud
So Moses grabbed a serpent and he wrapped it round his rod 

Lot and his wife found Sodom fairly cosy
Till one day they had guests and the neighbors got too nosy
Well, a pesky crowd around the door began a-hammering
But even though they squinted they still couldn't see a thing 

Lot had a couple daughters, and, boy, they liked to date
But they ran out of prospects when their city burned to flakes
They looked upon their father and they said, "Hey, you're a man"
It took a couple drinks but now they fill a twelve-seat van

Noah lived a long time, six hundred years or so
A whole life at a desk job had made it go real slow
One day he saw some elephants and got an affixation
So he started herding animals and changed his occupation

Saul was a tall man, he also was the king
But, boy, did he get jealous of that kid who had the sling
One day he grabbed a spear and said, "David, you should know
That you're not the only person in this castle who can throw"

Abraham and Isaac went marching up a hill
Cause that's the primest real estate when you've got things to kill
Well Isaac got to looking and said, "Where's the sacrifice?"
Abraham said, "Snap a selfie, make it look real nice"

The children of Israel out in the wilderness
They stuffed their mouths with Mana and made a crummy mess
When they were done they smacked their lips and said, "Our mouths are dry"
So Moses fought a boulder and he made that boulder cry