Phelps' Miscalculation

An obscure tidbit that you as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints may have heard is that "Joseph Smith said that an eternity is 2.555 billion years long." I heard this again the other day, so I instigated an investigation. Christopher C. Smith, he exposes the origins of this idea in a 2008 blog post. Apparently the number comes from Times and Seasons, the Church's periodical at the time (1844). W. W. Phelps sent a letter to William Smith that was reproduced in the January 1st edition. The paragraph of concern is

[E]ternity, agreeably to the records found in the catacombs of Egypt, has been going on in this system, (not this world) almost two thousand five hundred and fifty five millions of years: and to know at the same time, that deists, geologists and others are trying to prove that matter must have existed hundreds of thousands of years;-it almost tempts the flesh to fly to God, or muster faith like Enoch to be translated and see and know as we are seen and known! (empasis added)

 Bruce R. McConkie quoted this figure in a 1987 speech given at BYU. It was written about in the Mormon Interpreter. So where did this number come from, and does it even make sense?

Look at the universe.

All analysts seem to agree that W. W. Phelps took the statements in Peter and Abraham that 1000 years on Earth is but a day to the Lord, the statement in D&C 77 that the Earth has 7000 years of temporal existence, and the fact that a terrestrial year consists of approximately 365 days, and derived a value from these. 1000*7000*365 = 2.555E9, precisely the number Phelps states. But let's perform unit analysis on this.

1000 Earth years	x 7000 Kolob years x	365 Kolob days	= 2.555E9 Earth years
1 Kolob day		1 Kolob year

Seems kosher, right? Not. There are a few grievous assumptions made in this calculation. First, there is no way of know how many years are in a Kolob year. Even in our own solar system you have planets whose years range from 0.24 to 248.1 Earth years (if you include Pluto). A planet that orbits our sun called Sedna has a year of around 12,000 Earth years. At is aphelion, it's over 900 times father from the sun than Earth is. So assuming a 365-day Kolob year is erroneous when most planets in existence vary from this.

Second false assumption, 7000 Kolob years. First, the 7000 number comes from D&C 77:6 where it's said that the 7 seals on the book that John the Beloved saw are the seven thousand years of the Earth's temporal existence. It further states that only about 6000 of those years have passed, so even if the calculation was accurate, you'd have to replace 7000 Kolob years with 6000. Reading the actual revelation of John reveals characteristics of each of the seals that are identifiable with historical events. The 7000 years are clearly referring to Earth years. It's silly to start assuming every period of time given in the scriptures are not what it appears. That would imply that the Millennium is going to be 365 million Earth years long, the same length as each of the seals.

Another issue. The creation story begins with the Earth; it doesn't touch upon previous events. In Moses 1:35 God says, "There are many worlds that have passed away by the word of my power." He's made countless worlds like Earth that have already passed through existence. If this universe is about 14 billion years old and the Earth 4.5, God's been around a lot longer than Phelp's calculation proposes. And He hasn't done anything that disagrees with what we observe. If we find proof that the Earth is 4.5E9 years old, then goshdarnit, that's when God made it. 

But proof is hard to find. Evidence is easier. You can draw multiple conclusions from evidence. You can only draw one (sound) conclusion from proof. People will debate how to interpret collected data. I am currently quite convinced on the dating of the Earth and universe.

To Letchera: A Nonsense Poem

I started this a while ago but just finished it last night. It's inspired by Lewis Carroll's Jaberwocky. I don't know whether I'll rework it at some point in the future. Hope you like it!

I sopped a bit of bintle in my ebolestic broth,
Though frettled at the farlow that the spintel fellow quoth,
"'Tis lomesy and bewretched whence we letcherants do roam,
The meanest apocarthy wouldn't dare our crembous home.
The alkaline distincture and the lepazani tare
Categorize and extincture proseletics do beware.
Curcudgeon though a phalanx might through frome and slaken dust,
The legion’s mallegoric crow would pitter in the crust."

I tarrowed as I heard the laird escape the fellow's jaw,
Proposity seized and I abbreaved the challenge he laid askraw.
"To haunt an eng toward the same ascriptions you've applayed
Has always been surriliquous, a passion that abade.
So if you chantly danter and consent to be my guide,
To morrow neath a curbid dawn, to Letchera we ride."
Thus two hands struck a crimping twee that eve in Coelath Bray.
We nestled then in giltered dreams as darkness crept astray.

To aft a fortnight of a sudden lingered rife with prints,
And there astride the edgelands skriggled out my frame a wince.
The beasts that bear our burdens tarrowed treadless at the frome;
We lighted of and sauntered in whence letcherants do roam.
“Beware,” said he, “the craddleswee.” And motioned to the dirt.
A flint of fang betrayed the same, a grithing beast alert.
“And fear,” he said, “the straffoged. ‘Twill nay but feed ye death.”
I spied it gripping fast a branch and twithered out a breath.

Of time diurnal or nocturnal no sign I apprehended,
‘Twas a fortnight out from Coelath Bray the sun had last ascended.
The lomesy dank enthronged us so, it leckered in my skin,
And nigh a corpse, with fainting pulse, the destert cough began.
I hearkened half-hearted ‘tween haken hacks to hear the howl of Harn,
The echos embearing a promise that my passing would be warm.
‘Twas all for vain, my eared strains, the yowl not once arose—
Least from the throat of Harn—but me, I howled whilst in remose.

Through hacks and twithering, porous yowls, bemoaned I every second,
Adjuring time to wander back then fail at being reckoned.
“O, currish day in Coelath Bray,” I was so wont to groan.
My sevid guide of Letchera would gander me and done,
“Ye fromey, stanched Gevatheran, ‘twas ye what forced me here!
Ye’ll swiftly feed the craddleswee, and dust shall be yer bier.
I’m brisling o’er with all yer fuss, so twain a choice I lay,
Ye kinter tight yer lips anon, or skraw straight back to Bray!”

So on we strode, our pace unlenting, driven by depravity,
Body ‘long with thoughts yon deeper into obfuscavity.
The bractle waste disumed my flesh and dribbled on my soul;
A baling knell in the hintermind, droned death at each a toll.
The anguish tore me straight and savage, hope was but remote,
I teetered off the brink and wailed a blade out of my throat.
A grisled hand clamped o’er my mouth, and harshly spat my guide,
“You’ve sentenced us, Gevatheran. We’ve functerally died!”

He conjured strength from realms unknown to Gevaths such as I,
And darting ‘tween great palls of gloom, defined the verb ‘to fly.’
I stippled off in idle chase, dread heelnips from from a foe,
To my request for motion rejured back my body, “No.”
My drasted yelp of agony belied our dire state,
‘Twas answered by the craddleswee and teeth preclined to sate.
So there I lay, my folly oozing, pining after home,
My final breath a twithered sigh with lips upon the frome.

Making the Cut and Fictional Hormesis

Book lengths, who doesn't complain about them? I sure do. Sometimes they're too short, but I mostly find myself labeling them as too long. How useful and valid are such statements?

I thought of addressing this topic when I came across this statement in a two-star review of the Mistborn trilogy by Brandon Sanderson:

At around 700 pages per book, Sanderson (or his editors) got really bad at separating what's necessary for storytelling from pointless drivel. In book 2, for example, the first 500 pages could be summed up as city under siege, Eland is a philosopher and not a ruler, gets overthrown.

First off, I'm always interested in reading the contrary side of things. If I liked a book, it helps me understand people better by learning why they didn't. Same for any political of religious issue. I think a certain way, so what is it that convinces you to think otherwise? But sentence 2 quoted above clearly shows the reviewer's lack of understanding of prose.

You see, every single book that you read can be summarized. But that's not the point. No one doing leisure reading just wants the summary. It's all about engrossing yourself in the plot and going through experiences with the characters. When I read the line city under siege, I really don't give a hoot about it. But when I read the book and I know the characters, it comes alive and I feel a portion of what they (theoretically) went through. That's the power of prose.

But certainly there's a point where it becomes too much. I found myself thinking this as I read Name of the Wind by Partick Rothfuss. I definitely enjoyed the book, but I felt as if a little too much time was spent on unnecessary description. I think I would have enjoyed the book a fair amount more had it been 100 or so pages shorter. It would still be over 600 pages long, but the story would move just a bit faster.

In the end, it's up to the writer to decide when the story is far too pregnant or barren. That's a good way to think of it. I've read some stories that were so pregnant I got morning sickness. I'm just sitting there thinking give birth already! But at the same time, you can strip any story down until it's just a plot summary. There are things that I write that don't straightway contribute to the plot, but they contribute to the overall experience. A good author knows when the threshold is crossed where these ancillary anecdotes start detracting. This is called hormesis, or the too much of a good thing model. Figure out how it works.

Word Count Creep

Writing a book can be is a daunting task. Depending on your goal, you have anywhere between 50,000 to 400,000 words to type when crossing the threshold of your journey (hopefully you have the decency to constrain your prose to a length not too much higher than that). It's easy at any step in the process to lose momentum and become swamped. I want to talk about some of the writing cairns and how to get past them.

Initial Word Count Goal

I'm a numbers-oriented person. I like to have a goal in mind when embarking on most any endeavor. I think it's important for any writer to have a ballpark on their total word count. Some people may find this irrelevant and take care of it in editing, but I often prefer pre-editing over post-editing. Anything I can do to reduce work on the tail end is beneficial.

The way that I got a ballpark for my first book was precisely by looking up word counts of novels that I had read. Out of interest, here's a list of some popular book word counts. Another thing I took into account was the industry recommendations. Here's a page with a good meter.

Important also is whether you are debuting or returning to the scene. When people pick up a Dan Brown book they think, "I've read/heard of his books. I'll give this one a shot." When people see a Benny Hinrichs novel they think, "Cover's not terrible. I wonder if he's related to Jimmy Hendrix." Two different reactions. Reading a novel takes time (probably at least 10 hours). You have to convince people that your words are worth that time investment, and most people will shy away from a thick, bludgeoning tome from an unknown author.

Of interest: I wanted my first book to be somewhere between 90,000 to 105,000 words long. It turned out to be 101,000. I only achieved that by outlining and estimating.

Progress Spurs Progress

Another driving principle is that progress inspires progress. It takes hundreds of small victories to write 100,000 words. I keep a spreadsheet of my chapter word count. Every time I finish a chapter, I note the date and length along with a running total. Here's the spreadsheet of my word counts for Schools of Thought. The first time you hit 1,000 words, you think, "Wow, that wasn't all that bad. I can do that a few more times." Pretty soon you've laid out 5,000. Then 10, 20, 50, 100. Knowing that you've already accomplished something will drive you to accomplish something else.

You should find a progress monitoring method that jives with you. I do word count by chapters. Another idea is progress by event or scene (like you're shooting a movie). For that you need to have a pretty good outline.

Working Word Count Goal

Another trick of the trade that helps me immensely is a working word quota. That is, in x amount of time I will produce y number of words. My current working word quota is 2500/week. I like to use the week increment rather than day or month because it gives me enough time to do it without giving me too much time to do it.

Parkinson's law states that work will expand to fill time available for its completion. If I saw that I'll do 2500 words in a week, I may do all those on Saturday, but it gets done. If I say I'm going to do 500 words a day, I have a higher possibility of missing that goal due to other obligations. That will lead to writing depression and will encourage me to miss future goals. If I say I'm going to do 12,000 words a month, I'll inevitably go a whole week or two without writing anything. Suddenly I have to write 6,000 words a week  for two weeks straight. It's too onerous. Just as progress incites further progress, failure incites further failure. Thus my 2500/week.

Conclusion

Small victories win large wars. Set realistic goals and meet them! I'd like to add here that outlining will help everything. Maybe I say this because I'm not as much of a discovery writer, but I truly believe it. If I already know what's going to happen in a chapter, it's so much easier to write. Same holds true for a book. If you know where you're going, it'll be easier to get there.

The Kindle Relents, Lets Oneironauts In

I could try to get you to believe how difficult making my book into Kindle material was, but I know you don't like unsolicited preaching as much as the next guy. Suffice it to say, I had a wild ride getting this thing to work. The biggest hurdle is the lack of documentation. Amazon apparently expects the majority of people to upload a document file then let their algorithms chew through it and spit out a .mobi file. However, my attempt at getting such a file generated fell flat on its pupillary sphincters. It was all kinds of messed up. So many kinds of messed up, it would have been easier for me to write my own file than try and fix theirs. And did this happen because of my sloppy use of Microsoft Word formatting?

Absolutely not. It's quite obviously an issue with Amazon's code ;)

Let me explain though. To make a .mobi file, you need an HTML file of your book, and two additional XML files for navigation and such. You then combine all this in a command line executable (which I have no issues with). Nowhere is it documented that you need to use the .opf file in the cmd line argument. Also, there is little in the way of tutorials on making the two XML files (the .opf and the .ncx), so that took an age.

Fortunately I'm now in a position to easily produce another eBook once I acquire the text. If you have any questions on the process, just ask.

Here are the links: Book page and the Kindle-specific page. I'd love to hear any feedback on the eBook for those of you who get it. **I've also told Amazon that if a customer buys the physical copy, then they can download the digital book for free.

Titular Plot Revelation

There's a (I won't call it a blunder) device that you see often enough that involves the title of a work. I'll name a few: Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, Artemis Fowl, Indiana Jones, Septimus Heap, Napoleon Dynamite... They all have one thing in common (besides all being male). The Character Title. You've written an entire 80,000+ word book but can't come up with one more thing. The title. Or maybe you chose the Character Title on purpose.

I'll tell why I as a reader don't care too much for the Character Title. It saps some of the tension out of the narrative, especially if there are multiple titles in your series. I know that no matter what the protagonist comes up against, he/she will definitely avoid dying until at soonest the last book. I imagine that George R. R. Martin saw this trope and decided to grossly exploit it. Nearly everybody dies in A Song of Ice and Fire—and that's a problem in and of itself. My question to writers of stories such as ASoIaF is, why should I put so much effort into becoming acquainted with your characters if I know you're just going to kill them off?

And there we've revealed two irksome behaviors. (1) I'm going to tell you upfront through the title that the character you'll grow to love is never really in danger, and (2) you'll soon find that every other character you grow to love will be slaughtered by my pen. Of course, there's another behavior that can be equally as tiresome, the resurrecting hero. If it happens once in your story and you pull it off, your book is going to be amazing. If it starts happening too many times...(Dragon Ball Z *cough*).

Now sometimes your story isn't concerned with life and death experiences (Napoleon Dynamite) and therefore has no quarrel with the Character Title. But let's take Harry Potter. He comes into a "life and death" situation at least once in every book, but (spoiler alert) doesn't die until the final one. That's exactly what the title told us would happen.

An example of some amazing titles are Lord of the Rings and Star Wars. Although LotR doesn't focus around Sauron, it's interesting that the story follows the pattern of titular plot revelation by keeping him alive until the end of book 3. That being said, we know nothing about the fates of the characters we care about. Not all of the fellowship are present at the conclusion of the epic. The title of Star Wars likewise does nothing to reveal prematurely which characters will survive until the end.

Of course you don't always want the characters you're following to die, but it makes every encounter more real if we haven't been told beforehand that they won't. My advice is that if you get to the end of a story (unless it's a standalone or a short story), wring that last little bit of juice out of your imagination and come up with a good title. But who knows, maybe a good title for your book will be the Character Title. I think Leven Thumps worked it quite well as a series.

The Stoneslayer aka Moby Dick With Golems (Chapter 1)

So I've had a story idea bouncing around my head for a month or so. Today during a break between classes, I got on my computer and started writing. Several hours later I was finished with the first chapter of a project that's tentatively titled The Stoneslayer. It could be classified as an epic fantasy novella. I project that it will be around 30,000-50,000 words long. I may or may not post any more excerpts of this until it's finished. For now just think of it as Moby Dick with golems. Enjoy and tell me your thoughts.

Edit 7/26/2015: If you've noticed in the sidebar, I have almost 70,000 words. I got a lot more cool ideas as I wrote and expect it to come out to 115-120k.

Source: Kari Christensen

Evrom raced up a grassy hill, thick metal cudgel on one shoulder, boltslinger on the other. He paused to survey upon reaching the top and frowned. The evnarals, giant rock beasts, were cresting another mound two hills over.

The clatter of clothing beside him signified that Alyozam had made it to the top as well. Evrom pointed. “It’s going to take a mighty pair of legs to catch those beasts.”

Alyozam huffed, trying to regain his breath. “Legs which you surely have, Evrom.”

“I fear they are not as fine as yours, Alyozam,” replied the winner of the footrace.

They both turned as two more men reached the top, completing their party. The oldest of them—though only forty-three—Kerbin, spoke between heaving breaths. “Brothers, these evnarals may be too swift for us.”

“Surely they are not too swift for you, Kerbin,” said the fourth member, Losheimap. The general goal of addressing other people was to prove oneself humbler than they. People often found ways to work around this by saying obviously sarcastic comments in the levelest tone possible.

The men on the hill were stoneslayers, the most impressive occupation one could hold. If it weren’t for their intrepid expeditions to hunt quarries of evnarals, their villages and cities would have no shelter. Their mission was to hunt the living rock so the masons could have dead rock to work with.

But the living rock, the evnarals, were vicious when provoked, tireless, and nigh impenetrable. Being a stoneslayer was no mean task, and the mandatory retirement age was forty-five. The others in the band of stoneslayers enjoyed reminding Kerbin of this in the humblest way possible.

Kerbin smiled. “You are a kind man, Losheimap. Though I could only hope for such success accompanied by you.”

Evrom was the youngest of the group at twenty-four, but he had been hunting the living rock since he was sixteen, the time when Hadaratzians were granted vocational freedom. Alyozam and Losheimap had both been on the hunt for nearly half their lives, being thirty-four and thirty-five respectively.

“Do you think we have strayed too far from home?” asked Evrom. He let the head of his mace fall to the ground.

“I’ve been farther,” Alyozam replied. He slung his boltslinger onto his shoulder and stroked his beard. “It was maybe eight years ago when Kreitah was still hunting the rock. We made it to the Pass of Jerr before we slew the quarry. It was a living terror carting the dead rock back to Desek.” He paused. “Recalling that return trip makes me question whether it would be worth it to pursue these evnarals any longer.”

They all looked toward Kerbin, who steeled his brow in thought. “We will follow for one day longer, then reroute toward Desek if unsuccessful to search for more quarries.”

The three younger stoneslayers nodded in agreement. “Excellent judgment,” they intoned.

The group descended the hill to their horses and carts. Evrom walked up to one of the stone and metal carts and tossed in his cudgel and boltslinger. He turned next to the attached horse and patted its side. Though he wasn’t a short man, he didn’t even come up to the creature’s shoulder. He reached up and unhitched the horse, letting it roam. Kerbin did the same for the other cart.

Losheimap and Alyozam set out in the waning light to gather some dustbush leaves for the fire. For reasons unknown yet not unwelcome, dustbush leaves burned for an inordinate amount of time compared to other plants. A fire could be kept alive for hours off a small bush.

They returned quickly and dinner was soon cooking. The conversation topic of choice was the upcoming coupling.

“It’s been far too long since I’ve coupled,” Losheimap declared, pointing at the others with his spoon.

Alyozam strained some misplaced stew out of his beard and chuckled. “And so it has. But of course you know that we all have been deprived of women for the same amount of time.”

“You are, of course, right, my friend. I was merely stating something we all could resonate with,” Losheimap replied.

“An apt judgment,” said Kerbin. “Six months is much too long between couplings. But of course it is as Gnolom wills it.”

“I firmly believe that you have control of your desires at this point, Kerbin. After over fifty couplings, have you not filled and drained your cup enough times to satisfy?” Losheimap asked with honest inquisition.

Kerbin smiled at the subtle jab at his age. “No matter how many tables you sit at, hunger will drive you to another,” he stated. “It is only a week away, my brothers. Praised be the name of Gnolom for allotting us a time to interact with his daughters!”

“Yes,” Alyozam concurred. “The older I become, the more I cherish their very presence. My desires now are different from my first hungry couplings. I despair that we are only given two days together.”

Evrom let his spoon sink in his stew and stared into the fire. “How many repeats do you usually couple with?” he asked his elders.

“Repeats?” Losheimap almost scoffed, though his humility gave no room to open mockery. “Life is too short and couplings too few to limit myself to one woman. There have been two or three couplings that I spent the entire duration with one woman though.”

Alyozam reclined and looked to the stars. “I’ve had two different repeats. I was foolish and thought I might love them, and I couldn’t stop myself. I have since tried to be more zealous for Gnolom.”

“I myself have had one repeat,” Kerbin admitted. “I was young and foolish, more so than Alyozam here. We spent three consecutive couplings together then got wiser the fourth time around.”

Evrom took their words in with a clenched jaw. The next week would mark his fourteenth coupling and, if plans held, his thirteenth repeat.

The others noticed his tension. “To be caught between two brawling evnarals is better than to be caught with a woman,” Losheimap cited from the Third Message.

“If you carry perplexities, Evrom, do not fear sharing them with us. We are your brothers, not your accusers,” Kerbin said, finishing his stew.

Evrom hesitated. “It’s just...why can we not read the Messages?”

Kerbin grabbed his waterskin and poured some into the clay dish. “The Messages are meant to only be read by the most humble. Tell me, have you ever felt a swell of pride as you ride into the city with a cart full of dead stone?”

Evrom bit his lip. “Yeah. But do you really think that the king has never had any prideswells?”

“It’s not that the king and his court have never had any prideswells, Evrom. It’s that their amount and intensity are so much lower than we could even imagine.” Kerbin waved the bowl around to remove large drops of moisture.

Evrom sighed. The king, Farauv, according to theology was the humblest person on the planet. If it weren’t so, he could not also be the only Deathslayer alive. As the ultimate test of humility and precedent to his coronation, the king underwent a special sacrificial ritual. He lay on an altar and had his throat slit. Five days later, he would rise again completely whole. In the interceding days he would be taught by Gnolom, then return to Hadaratz with a new Message for the people.

Or that was how things once were. There hadn’t been a new Message for over four hundred years. It was declared in the final Message, the twenty-fifth, that there would be no further Messages; the instructions of Gnolom were complete. It also declared that the title of Deathslayer was to become hereditary, though anyone could petition to gain the title at any time. They would simply have to pass through the sacrificial ritual themselves.

“Excuse me if I overstep my bounds, but your demeanor suggests that you might be in the power of pride even now,” Kerbin observed.

Evrom inhaled sharply and tried to purge the feeling from his insides. “Yours by twice,” he said in thanks.

To express gratitude and humility simultaneously, a certain phraseology had worked its way into the Hadaratzian vocabulary. It began as, ‘your life is greater than mine by twice,’ and eventually morphed into just ‘yours by twice’. Of course, a significant level of gratitude was expressed by ‘yours by five’, and the utmost display of humble appreciation was found in the words ‘yours by ten’.

The others had finished and were cleaning out their dishes. “Tell me, Kerbin, in your superior years of experience, have you ever arranged a tryst with one of your couplings?” Losheimap asked.

Kerbin stared into the fire without speaking for a moment. “Such a thing is difficult to manage as a stoneslayer. But as I have just declared that we are brothers and not accusers, I will share something with you. As I said, I was much more foolish than Alyozam. The same woman that I coupled with thrice, I met with her outside of any city on nine separate occasions.”

“Nine!” exclaimed Alyozam. “Gnolom knows if the Paramours have coupled so many times!”

Kerbin smiled ruefully. “Yes, we had actually discussed going to join them. To live with one another out of the king’s reach and be able to love, no holds barred. It was a tantalizing offer.”

“Well what made you change your course? I can’t think that you were caught, for you’re here with us today,” said Alyozam.

Ezrom’s heart paced more quickly as the conversation progressed. If Kerbin and his lover could pull it off, what could Ezrom and Matak accomplish?

“It was what happens to any addicted fool. I kept telling myself that I didn’t love her. I could stop meeting with her at any time. And then I heard a sermon by one of the king’s advisors. He read the part from Message Six where it says, ‘And he loved her, and was filled with pride.’ It was enough to smack me out of my stupidity and recognize that I loved her. Only then was I truly able to humble myself and break it off. I went to the next tryst we had planned and told her we couldn’t meet any more. I told her I didn’t love her. She wept, and so did I as I ran home.” Kerbin’s eyes were dotted with tears even as he told the tale.

“For Eternity’s sake, brother. Have you ever told anyone?” asked Losheimap.

Kerbin shook his head. “You three are the first. I’ve always known that it should be told to some of my stoneslayer brothers, but I never felt right about it until now.”

Ezrom fought a tempest inside. Kerbin’s story—if one tweaked the ending—sounded exactly like what he desired.

“Well I’m glad you trust us enough. Such an admission is a mark of true humility, brother,” said Alyozam.

“Yours by five for your compassion toward my iniquities.” Kerbin smiled at his friend.

“Yours by five for telling us, brother,” said Ezrom. And he meant it, if for different reasons than the other two might.

“But while I’m at it, I have one more confession.” Kerbin gazed over the dark plains toward home. “It was a lie I told her then, and it is a lie even now. I still love her.”

Now Available on Amazon

Good news, folks, The Oneironauts is now available on Amazon. It's currently listed at 10% off http://www.amazon.com/Oneironauts-Schools-Thought-1/dp/1501050974. Pick up a copy and tell me what you think. I'm working on getting the eBook up, but I have a math test this week and then there's General Conference during the weekend plus other homework. Oh, and here's the updated cover art that I designed.

Lucid dreams!

Oneironauts Book Proof

Today something beautiful happened. Almost a week delayed (which may have been due to me inputting the wrong ZIP code), the proof of my book The Oneironauts: Schools of Thought peeked its head through the mail slot. Bless that UPS guy. Here's what the copy looks like.

It just amazes me how you can just open it up and read what you've written. The book is a remarkable invention! Although I did decide that I want the pages to be cream instead of white.

There were a few hiccups with the lineup. The 'R' got cut off, and the spine image is bleeding over onto the cover. I redid some stuff then uploaded a new cover.

Luckily there's a lion consellated on the back. That came free with the package.

The line spacers that I put in were somewhat pixelated, so I went back and replaced them with 2-line drop down starting letters. If you know what I mean. I realized that I don't have the know-how to make this particular aspect work. I also added an author bio right at the end in case anyone that buys it doesn't know me personally ;)

You may have noticed that the cover is different than the one previously posted. Well, I realized that I had made a pitifully small cover (at 72 dpi). They recommend/require that your cover be at least 300 dpi, so I started from ground zero and built up an entirely new cover. I also designed a full wrap instead of just a front. It was tricksy getting the spine lined up, I'll tell ya.

I don't know, what do you think? Disregarding the minor blemishes, does it look like something that would catch your eye in a bookstore (including online)? I hope so. I'll also have you know that I am working on the second book (progress over in the side bar), but it's hard while pursuing a physics degree.

The price will be $13.99 on Amazon once I approve the final copy. I wanted to make it lower, but the minimum price Amazon would allow is $13.10, so I rounded it up to a consumer-friendly value. Link will follow in a week or two.

Money Is Not Power

This is a short post describing an epiphany I had the other day. It all started off when I woke up from a dream. The only thing I could remember was that the currency was measured in severed foreheads per second. It gave me a good chuckle but led to another thought: what if we actually measured money as a time-dependent value? I realized that occasionally we do, e.g. I make $10/hour.

In correlation to this, I realized that the old saying money is power was not true. Power is a time-dependent value while money is not. To make a correct analogy, money would have to be matched with energy.

But I thought to myself, why can't we make a unit of money over time? So I propose the salarant. It is the equivalent of one dollar per hour. I don't know if it would exactly fall under the SI units (they'd probably use Euros), but I think we can make it work. Money per hour is power.

The Economics of Judging a Book by Its Cover

You've heard this metaphor recapitulated time after time your entire life. Don't judge a book by its cover. But I'm here to argue that that's exactly what you should do.

You see, publishing houses are involved in a thing called business. One of the principles the majority of businesses try to adhere to is maximize profit. So obviously all book companies are idealists who believe that a book shouldn't be judged by its cover. They spend as little as possible on the book's appearance, trusting that readers will be enchanted by the content.

Publishers spend an average of $3,000-5,000 on a book cover. In the video below (start at around 0:50 for the quote), Brandon Sanderson states that the highest paid cover he's heard of was $15,000. Fifteen grand. That sends a very clear message that publishers are worried about how their books look.

And for that very reason you can, should, and do judge books based on their outward appearance. Another poignant observation that Sanderson makes in the video is that publishers don't worry about whether or not the cover represents what's inside. To them, it's basically a movie poster for the book. In that sense, if you've written a fantasy novel, your cover has to appeal to fantasy readers! If it doesn't, your sales will suffer.

I'll make a comparison to the literary world. Most publishers won't take a look at your manuscript unless you have an agent representing you. To them, if you can't even manage to convince one person who's educated in how the literary world moves to stand by your project, they don't want to waste their time on it. For the same reason, someone who's on the lookout for a new title won't consider making the time investment on your novel if you can't even make it look exciting.

Next time you're at the bookstore (or at your bookshelf) examine which covers entice you and which ones turn you off. A nice fantasy or sci-fi cover always intrigues me, but the romance covers turn me off. That's okay, I'm not the target audience. It doesn't mean that I won't enjoy every single book whose cover isn't particularly exciting. It just means that I'll have to be introduced to those volumes through another source.

I'll end with a series that I was attracted to by the cover, the Bartimæus Trilogy. It had excellent payoff as well!

The Flaws of Harry Potter

This is a subject that many of my generation find blasphemous, but I assure you that this post is purely academic. It's a worthy pursuit to identify things that successful authors did poorly in order to avoid them. Let us begin.

The Goblet of Fire Plot Hole
One of the most blaring mistakes of the Harry Potter series is book 4. The entire plot of the book rides on the idea that the Death Eaters have to get Harry to touch any object. That is to say, a portkey can be any object, and Harry just has to touch it outside the walls of Hogwarts. So instead of having a Death Eater come up to Harry at the Three Broomsticks and give him some present, they decide, "Let's make it one of the single most difficult objects to touch in the wizarding world."

Voldemort wants to kill Harry. But first he needs Harry's blood to be able to kill Harry. We need to keep him alive so we (or more specifically I) can kill him. I feel like a whole lot of trouble could be bypassed by just killing him, then resurrecting Voldemort. Maybe that was the Death Eaters' plan. Put Harry in the Triwizard Tournament and let him die accidentally. Or not, they seem pretty fawning. The point is, don't make an entire book based off a plot hole. Examine your characters' motives before making a plot (and after).

Hm, this picture appears unwilling to show up. It's rejecting my accio picture command. Another flaw of Harry Potter: I've never gotten any of the spells to work.

Time Travel
A classic way to fill your plot with holes is to introduce time travel. Now, Rowling tried to patch this up in book 5 by sending the time-turners into an infinite loop of getting knocked over, thereby rendering this useless. But that doesn't cover up the fact that they existed for a long time before then.

That means that for every crime committed, the Ministry could just take time turners, go back, and prevent it. Pretty useful, eh? Every single event that they weren't pleased with, they could revert time and change the course of events. For example, the murder of Lilly and James Potter. Why don't we go back and stop Voldemort, or at least warn the Potter's so they can flee? No, no, let's save Buckbeak. (I'm talking more about Dumbledore at this point.) The point is, don't introduce time travel unless you put limitation on it.

Voldemort: The Most Powerful Wizard in the UK
For how infamous and powerful the Dark Lord is, his reach doesn't seem to extend very far past the UK. I don't know that this is a huge flaw, but you'd think that a sociopathic megalomaniac would want to rule more than just one country. One might counter argue that he was still in the process of conquering the UK when he got zapped by Lily's love power. Not a flaw per se, but it just seemed like the villain had a relatively small vision to me.

Another issue with the geography of things is why did the Potter's feel the need to hide in the UK? I'm sure there are hundreds of other wizarding communities (where Voldemort has seemingly no reach) that would willingly hide them. But no, they decide to hide with the bomb instead of away from it.

The Magic System
So then there's the magic system. Rowling just kind of improvises new bells and whistles as she goes along. Then in later books she might completely ignore an element of magic that was so interesting in previous books.

It also seems as if you could just learn Latin and become a master wizard. Why don't they teach Latin at Hogwarts (I mean, they do, but it's broken up). And who decides when you can make new spells? Snape just kind of comes up with a sinister, powerful one as a student. Why hasn't Hermione made a list of her own inventions?

Why do spells have to be generated from the wand? Powerful wizards don't have to use a wand to channel their magic. Why, then, couldn't they originate a spell right in front of someone's face?

Another qualm I had was how Harry only learned like 3 spells his entire 6 years at Hogwarts. I expected him to become a great wizard. In the end, he won off a fluke of wand ownership. Rowling defined dueling magic as the quickest and wittiest wizard will win. But instead of using that definition, she had Harry win because one time he disarmed Malfoy. It was clever, but I didn't feel it was terribly satisfying.

Love Magic (Sacrificial Protection)
Ah, perhaps one of my biggest issues. The love magic. Rowling uses an a priori assumption that love trumps all, but never goes into too much detail. The basic rules of love magic, or sacrificial protection, are die for somebody and they get arcane protection against your killer. So my question is this: why is Harry so revered? Has no one ever sacrificed themselves before? This sounds like a documented phenomenon, yet the entire wizarding world seems oblivious to the fact, naming him The Boy Who Lived. I find it hard to believe that so few wizards have ever sacrificed themselves that the entire community views this as incredible.

And the second part comes when Harry invokes the powers of Sacrificial Protection. He goes to Voldemort who kills him. Then all the good guys back in Hogwarts are protected from his (and somewhat from his cronies') magic. But here's the thing: Harry didn't die. Dumbledore explicitly states this. If he did die then it would be breaking the Rule Against Resurrection when he came back.

But that means that you don't actually have to die in order to access the Love Magic. So another question that gets brought up is are there other acts of love that would activate the Love Magic? I suppose we'll never know.

Other Random Flaws
The Potter universe also seems to completely disregard the existence of modern weaponry. That was likely on purpose, but Harry and Hermione lived with muggles for years before learning about magic. Of course they know about guns, planes, bombs, tanks, etc. Why doesn't Harry keep a glock on him for the next time he meets Voldemort? Imagine the battle in the fourth book: their wands connect. Voldemort is distracted. Harry pulls out a 9mm and pops a cap. It's suddenly a 4-book series.

In the telling of the Deathly Hallows, we learn that one can hide from Death with the invisibility cloak made by Death himself. But somehow a group of teenagers made a map that can see through it. Perhaps Death should have hired the marauders.

Liquid luck, or felix felicis, will purportedly give the user a perfect day. Why didn't Harry and the gang brew some of that up and down it once they came up against Voldemort?

Another thing that was always an issue for me was that when Harry said a phrase that closely resembled Diagon Alley (maybe even how some dialects would pronounce it), he was transported to a place called Knockturn Alley. Diagon, Knockturn. Di, Knock. Is magic so stupid that it can mistake the two?

This isn't exactly a flaw and was touched upon above, but what's the deal with wizards outside of the UK? We see a bit of that in the 4th book with the two visiting schools and the World Cup, but what about continents beside Europe? I understand this topic is briefly discussed in non-series books that I haven't read, but you think there'd be more of a mention. What did wizards of the Plains Indians do in the early second millennium? What about Mayan wizards? Aborigine wizards? African? It's not vital to know, but it would have been nice if the topic were addressed. It could come in a passing comment by Hermione. "We can't reveal ourselves, Ron. The ancient wizards of Mesoamerica did just that and they ended up controlling the people."

In Conclusion
All in all, the books are fantastic. This was merely an exercise to show how even great authors can forget elements they introduce and leave loose ends. They can get caught up in a story and not realize that the plot they're writing is unnecessary. They forget motives. They make a priori assumptions. They ignore facts. They capriciously make and break rules. And we loved it. This is not a ticket to go and do all those things

The Oneironauts Cover Art!

There won't be much in the way of sageness with this post; it's mainly to reveal the cover art that I've produced for The Oneironauts book 1. It took less than a day and I had to go through several iterations, but I came up with a cover art that I'm fairly satisfied with. I'm in the process of querying agents, and if I get a real publisher then they'll pay a real artist to do the cover. But just in case I decide to self publish, I'm prepared! Here it is:

Isn't it glorious? Now, I'm not really an artist. I can't produce anything aesthetic with a pencil. But I do know what I think looks good and I know how to Google things. I made this using GIMP 2.8 and Google. If you're interested, this is the picture that inspired my cover. Feedback would be appreciated, seeing as I can still change things. Tell me what you think!

Here's my first draft for comparison:

Oh, and for those of you who don't know, oneironaut is a word of Greek origin and of the same form as astronaut. Astronaut is Greek for star sailor. Oneironaut is Greek for dream sailor. My book is therefore about people who explore the dream plane.

(Edit 6/26/2015) I figured I might as well throw up the actual cover art :)

Building Up Your Repository of Awesome

In the process of coming up with a good plot, you may have encountered some difficulty. Maybe you're hypercritical of every idea you get. Maybe you designed a plot only to realize that it's not particularly interesting. Maybe you always get halfway and then peter out. Allow me to introduce you to a system that you hopefully already utilize.

I call it the Repository of Awesome. It's essentially a document you keep (on MSWord, GoogleDocs, &c.) where you dump all the cool ideas you get. For me personally, I have a section for concepts (philosophical points), lines to use, settings, characters, points of action/conflict, and a miscellaneous category. I have a general document that can be harvested from for all my books, and I have book-specific documents. For example, in the repository for The Oneironauts, I have a list of forms for the Consortium Oneirautis. That was important for that specific book, but not really useful in my other works.

Show Me How It's Done
Where do you look for sources for this Repository of Awesome? Basically everywhere. Movies, books, sites you visit, people you interact with. You liked the idea of a clandestine magical institution from Harry Potter? Great, write it down. You liked the excavation labor camp from Holes? Write it down. Thought the idea of humans interacting with a pantheon of gods from Percy Jackson was cool? Put it on the list. How about the sudden death survival tournament from Hunger Games? Note it.

Source: Dead Darlings

Now this is where the magic happens. Combine your ideas. Let's see... A young man is enslaved at a labor camp in some remote mountains. There are dueling tournaments once a month. They select several random inmates and have them fight to the death. The last ones standing get spirited away. Protagonist is selected for the tournament and wins. Turns out they get taken to a secretive monastery/school where they are taught magic directly from the gods. They then get placed in society where they serve as vassals for the gods. A group of former graduates has rebelled and is planning a coup against the gods. Our protagonist has to decide whether he wants to join the resistance or the establishment.

See? I literally churned out those two paragraphs of ideas and then plot in less than 8 minutes. I'm not saying it's the best plot ever invented, but it's entirely different from the four sources I drew upon and slightly catchy. I promise that you can create amazing plots by amassing all your awesome ideas and combining them. Remember that good conflict is going to be the most crucial part of your plot. I would give you some examples from my own writing, but it's not published yet, so I'll wait.

I would also like to point out that if you have an okay plot already but you don't think it's up to snuff, treat it as an extended idea. Then take other ideas from your Repository and layer them together.

Your ideas are mostly just seeds and will flourish as you actually write the book. I had the original idea of "shared dreaming school" and it evolved immensely over the time that I wrote The Oneironauts. Another thought that I had was "what if one of the characters was in a coma?" Obviously that specifically applies to the dreaming books and isn't so much a general idea, but it ended up becoming an entire subplot in my book. I hope you can do the same.

The Everbranching Tree of Plots

Ten years ago, an idea was introduced to the world called the Seven Basic Plots. It came in the form of a book written by journalist Christopher Booker. He posited that there were only—as the precocious reader will have already observed—seven basic plots. Every other story is based off this brotherhood. He tells us that they are

1. Overcoming the Monster (Lord of the Rings, Star Wars)
2. Rags to Riches (Cinderella, Aladdin)
3. The Quest (Lord of the Rings)
4. Voyage and Return (Odyssey, Alice in Wonderland)
5. Comedy (A Midsummer Night's Dream, Mr. Bean)
6. Tragedy (Macbeth, Romeo and Juliet)
7. Rebirth (A Christmas Carol, Despicable Me)

*As a side note, I think that if you wanted to you could lump most of them into Overcoming the Monster.

Well I'm going to present my new thesis: there's only one plot, i.e., Something Happens. It holds true in every book I've read or movie I've seen. This superplot can be subdivided though. In many stories not only does something happen, but more specifically, the protagonist progresses. The other two options are remaining stagnant or retrogressing. All of the above seven plots are composed of the three I just mentioned. That means there are at most three basic plots.

But "he progresses" doesn't exactly make for the most exciting plot. It needs an arc. The bones of a plot might follow something like this: he progresses, stalls, progresses, stalls, retrogresses, progresses, retrogresses, progresses. Maybe you could even assign values so you know how much the protagonist is stepping forward or backward. Let's analyze the Bible story Jonah this way. He's preaching as a prophet of Jehovah (+10). Gets a vision to go to Nineveh (+5). Decides to run and hide from God instead (-15). Get swallowed by a great fish (±0). Repents and preaches in Nineveh (+15). Stubbornly waits for the city's destruction after they repent (-15).

Beyond the Basics

But who wants a basic plot? Like a drug, we need more and better stuff to stay satisfied. Most plots that I've read in the past ten years go above and beyond basic. They've also been combinations of the above seven. They've been intricate weavings of human emotion and action. 

Source: Tim Green

This post may not have the best flow to it, but I hope it gets my point across. If you believe there are only seven basic plots, your writing will show it. Don't buy into it. Look everywhere for inspiration for books. Write down small ideas you have. Combine those ideas to make more elaborate tales. Don't let your plot look too much like another, but allow it some similarity. The tree of plots is an everbranching organism with unlimited possibilities. 

The Curse of the Cliffhanger

The cliffhanger is a hallmark literary device. When employed correctly, it spurs the reader on to the next section of book. When used incorrectly, it buffers the reader into a corner of frustration. I have read books that swing both ways. Let's talk about avoiding your books leaving your readers' hands at high velocities by proper application of the cliffhanger.

Writing is an art, and as such it uses themes. Any theme in any artform can be overdone. Let's take the example of the band After the Burial. They had a fantastic debut album with sweeping guitars and complex polyrythms. More recently, perhaps in an attempt to be more brutal, they have somewhat dumbed down their song structure. In this cover video, the parodist shows that although the original musicians performed the number on 8-stringed instruments, he can pull off the entire song on one string.

You may think of cliffhangers as an exciting element to utilize in your book, but make you think about it more than once. After a while of chapter after chapter being strung up on some inhospitable cliff, the reader is tired and perturbed. Good job, writer. 

Where It's Particularly Painful

Now, the effect isn't that bad if you have the events immediately after the break, or if you have a short sequence in between. Much of the time you can get away with entire interloping chapters. But don't string your readers up over three or four chapters on a cliffhanger, particularly if all the intervening chapters end in cliffhangers of their own. If you want an example of this, read the Secrets of the Immortal Nicholas Flammel series. It's well constructed, but it becomes splintered at the end and—you guessed it—he makes every chapter a cliffhanger.

It goes something like this: Kendric is flying in a plane. Suddenly there's a big boom. An engine has exploded. End chapter. Alfie is walking down the street. A car pulls up, window rolls down, and a gun is pointed at him. End chapter. Pamela is awoken by the sound of scratching at her door. The door bursts open. End chapter.

The plane is heading to the ground. It hits. End chapter. Alfie tries to soothe his attackers. They roll down the back window. His sister is bound and gagged. End chapter. Pamela rolls off then under her bed, grabs her pistol, then listens to footsteps walk up to the bed. A masked face peaks down and says, "Hello, lovie." End chapter.

Kendric survived and is in the forest. A snarl. Wild beasts attack. End chapter. Alfie gets instructions to place a package where the people want it by a certain time. They drive away. He opens it up. It's a live bomb. End chapter. Pamela draws upon years of training and shoots. The bullet bounces off the mask. Something grabs her leg from behind and starts dragging her. End chapter.

Now imagine that all of those were fully flushed out chapters and you had to go through 2000-6000 more words before you could find out what happens next, every single time. It's torture. Ways to avoid agitation against you, the author, is to reduce time between stop and go, reduce cliffhanger usage, or use a light cliffhanger. 

Obviously don't let this scare you away from using the cliffhanger, just become more conscientious of the frequency, intensity, and execution. It's a beautiful device, but it reacts like makeup when you cake too much on. And most importantly...actually, I'll leave that for my next post :)

The Final Fluff Fight

First, welcome to the place I've deigned to deposit my ruminations upon such possible topics as writing, music, physics, religion, et cetera. Now you know. And since this post is about burning fluff...

Fluff. It's an essential part of every story. Without it the result is bone grinding on bone. Fluff is like the cartilage of literature. But imagine trying to walk with 5 inches of gristle between your femur and tibia. Your locomotion would be extremely unconventional. The same holds for writing. 

A good story can be drowned in excessive fluff. It can also get dehydrated from lack thereof. Our job as writers is to find that golden meridian and promenade down it. To illustrate, we generally type ourselves into one of the following situations:

1. Alright, Tyson is in the cave and now he needs to get the dagger. Run Tyson. Grab. Good. Stab troglodytes. Escape. Hey look, Tyson got out safely! Done.
2. Well, I've led Tyson to the mouth of the mountain and now he needs to swipe the dagger. But how are my readers going to know that this is a cave unless I sequence the molecular bonds on every stalactite and guano streak? And what about the several drippings? They must know how the stalagmites formed over the past million years! How else are they going to appreciate that the troglodytes are hiding behind them? AND THE TROGLODYTES! The readers must become familiar with their hygiene, temperament, and breeding habits in order to truly understand the danger Tyson's in.

I'll stop there. You've probably been in one of these two boats if you've ever written a scene. 1) I know what happens next and it shall occur immediately; or 2) the details are churning inside me like a gallon of ingested phlegm and must be vomited out extensively. Ooh, is that a thorn-encrusted salamancer?

Before the inventions of the television, computer, and internet, authors tended much more toward the second inclination. That's why the average survival rate of works such as War and Peace is only 15%. Even some of the more streamlined classics can get their drag on. Fast forward to TV and the internet. The average citizen thinks: I award my full attention to everything in the world. I'm not going to dedicate my time to a novel unless it gives me as much enjoyment as the Youtubes. That requires us as authors to change our game.

Introducing: show, don't tell. I quote Orson Scott Card on exposition:

"When science fiction was just beginning, it was common for writers to stop the action in order to explain the cool new science or technology that they were introducing in the tale. It was not until Robert Heinlein that science fiction writers began to weave their exposition more subtly into the action of the story. The classic example is when, in telling of a character leaving a room, Heinlein wrote, "The door dilated." No explanation of the nifty technology behind dilating doors -- just a simple statement that seems to take the new technology for granted. This was a great step forward, allowing science fiction writers to introduce a vast amount of novelty into a story without stopping the forward movement of the plot in order to explain it."

One method of fluff reduction as shown here, is to replace a description with a verb. It's highly effective. Also, it doesn't deplete the richness of the narrative. Look for opportunities to explain the backstory during the nowstory, but don't impede the nowstory in order to do so. Slip it in. Gentle accents.

Good fluff. But sometimes you want to include something that's non-essential to the plot, yet still entertaining. Feel free! Just don't drown yourself in such excursions. An author I think does this quite well is Obert Skye. Here's an excerpt from the fifth Leven Thumps that I remember even though I read it 4 or 5 years ago.

Leven shrugged. "That's not important; we should find Tim."
"I would have mentioned them leaving," Clover said. "But Tim was pretty insistent about me staying quiet. He said they were taking Azure because he promised to show them the way."
"So you saw them go?" Winter asked incredulously.
"I was writing in my dream journal," Clover said defensively.
"At two in the morning?" Leven asked. "Why didn't you tell us they had left?"
"I had an interesting dream," Clover insisted. "What does it mean when you dream about barns?"
Leven and Winter just stared at him.

Alright, so it's not the fluffliest bit of fluff, but it works. Skye could have just explained that they woke up and saw that Tim was gone, so they started following him. Instead, he created a situation that became a memory for at least one reader. That's good fluff.

At the end of the day, your readers want a ravishing tale with some spicy details, not a spicy mess with little substance. Give them what they want, or they will punish you.